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  • Writer's pictureAshmita Boopathy Moturi

Detox your Contact List!

"I am logging out of Facebook, signing out of Whatsapp groups because

I am on a ‘Digital Detox’.

I am off alcohol, sweets, coffee or rice because I am on a ‘Calorie Detox’"

While we are so busy detoxing the ‘crap’ (quite literally) out of our lives…why not just clear the clutter from your contact list? Names…numbers…and people who are just nothing but a waste of space both electronically as well as physically in your life.

‘Relationship Junkies’ are you really aware of the havoc ‘toxic relationships’ piled up digitally and around you is actually causing your body? I bet most of us would miserably fail to even identify that a certain relationship is toxic.

Our uninformed definition of ‘toxic relationships’ is confined to ‘a physically abusive spouse.’ We have been brainwashed to equip ourselves with ‘a deaf ear’ towards any deprecatory mentally abusive conversations. ‘You are fat’, ‘You are stupid’, ‘You are dark’, You are a failure’, ‘You are useless’….Even though we have all experienced moments when the sheer presence of some people makes us cringe, bite our lips, swallow our pride or grit our teeth to hold back the seething anger, crippled with a feeling of being ripped naked of all self-respect, we shut our eyes and turn a ‘deaf ear’ simply because and we have been told, “they only mean well…they just don’t know how to elegantly put it across…they don’t want you to fail.” These could be Parents, Spouses, extended Family, Teachers, Coaches, Best Friends, Bosses or Neighbors. Their intent may or may not be noble, that’s secondary. Brace yourself to learn the extent of damage the negative words actually cause.

We all have heard, in Solomon Island, when a tree needs to be chopped, the islanders just gather around and curse the tree for 30 days. Eventually the tree, unable to take any more negativity, dies. Just like the tree, we all are surrounded by relationships that are not exactly enriching. Does tuning out and turning ‘a deaf ear’ actually help? Do other’s thoughts impact your health and wellbeing? Let’s explore…

A brief lesson in Biophysics: You are a living energy field. Your body is composed of energy-producing particles, each of which is in constant motion. So, like everything and everyone else in the universe, you are vibrating and creating energy. Heartbeat and circadian rhythms are vibrations we can feel and measure. There are much smaller vibrations happening in your body, inside each one of your cells. These vibrations cause positive or negative electromagnetic energy waves which alter the way your cells respond. Every cell in your body is still listening, responding and reacting to the vibrations and electromagnetic energy waves in your environment.

Basically…even if you do ‘turn a deaf ear’ to what is being said…your cells are still listening and responding to those snidey comments and other’s much-anticipated moment, waiting to watch you falter, fail and fall.

- Makes you feel bad all the time: you feel left out, empty and hollow in their presence. You feel belittled, unworthy, insecure and perhaps even lesser of a human being.

- Is controlling…fills you with a fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of desertion...fills you with just fear. Breaks all you other bonds (tactfully of course!) and makes you completely depend.

- Doesn’t offer forgiveness…just the glory of catching you when you falter…

- Mocks your needs as insignificant and unnecessary. ‘Its not real…all in your head!’

- Requires you to put in all the efforts and compromises. “I am here…aren’t I?”

- Expects you to fight your own battles. “I am not responsible for your problems.”

- A villain who disguises as a hero for onlookers…a passive-aggressive behavior, which makes others think they mean well and only you know the seething pain and raging battle you are emotionally fighting.

- Constantly supervises you or stalks you or spies on you.

- Expects unquestionable respect.

You don’t really need a list…if you constantly feel uneasy in the presence of a person… be wary of what you are saying…and are walking on eggshells in their company…then it is toxic!

Toxic relationships make you sick…very sick. Cancer to Kidney Stones, don’t bother spending money on what caused it…be assured it was 90% thought process and 10% (I am being generous) other causes. A thought that probably manifested and grew to a point of becoming malignant due to being constantly powered by a toxic relationship. Skin issues are a result of feeling repulsive of yourself. Digestive disorder indicates a sense of gripping fear. Even a sore throat could just be all that anger you are holding back because you just cannot bark back.

It baffles me whenever somebody (especially a mental health professional) advices ‘don’t let others into your head’ or ‘let it go’ or ‘they are not worth it’. It is basically not possible…because remember your cells are still listening. Unless you are going to bail yourself out of the toxic environment…at least for a brief period…it isn’t going to get resolved.

Bailing out of a toxic friends circle or a toxic work environment is often a much easier (although a reluctant decision). But personal relationships like family makes it a bit more sticky. Did you know you can get therapy as a whole family, if you really wanted to mend your relationships? (Not just a couple therapy)…Despite that…if you continue to feel your self-respect being constantly tarnished…then whatever be the relationship…it isn’t really worth holding on to…nothing in the world is worth loosing your physical and mental health.

Begin by moving into a more refreshing environment. Get help from a professional who helps you release toxic thoughts of anger first! Get help to build back your sense of self-worth. You have just the same organs, blood and brain cells as anybody else…you are just as capable of achievements and making decisions as anybody else…and everybody makes mistakes just as you do. It is ok to falter and fail.

Relationships are meant to be liberating…like a breath of fresh air.

To live healthier and longer, you need to constantly feel a good vibe with relationships which imbue a sense of belonging and self- worth, conversations that are brain stimulating and an army that you know will back you up in a battle. Good vibes make you more productive and help you focus on what truly matters in your personal, social and business life.

If you do plan to Detox…make sure you get rid of junk in all aspects of your life…

#Detox your Body, Mind and your Contact List!

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